the new and the old

I skipped year 2006 and 2007 without any new year's resolutions because back then, I would make a long lists of new year resolutions and only stick to it for a week or two. Then I would ditch them right after the first temptation came.
BUT
This year, I want to make another looonng listed resolution for year 2009! And this time, I think I will try to stick to it for at least a month? haha! well who knows!! So, here's the long lisssttt :

- I wanna start saving up for the "unforeseen" future of mine. I've been spending way too much and never feel enough! Even with my 'generous-enough' pay check for a junior like me! *sigh*

- I want to at least made up my mind for certain things. I want to start decide on things. I want to be able to feel independent and feels good to be on my own again.

- I definitely want to restrain myself from spending for those unnecessary stuffs (okay! clothes n bags n shoes are excluded! those are important! but at least, I will only buy those I can really mix and match with the old ones!)

- I'm going to save up to buy a diamond ring!!haha! as cheesy as it may sounds like, I saw few cute 'lil blingbling' for the fingers yesterday! and I want one!!! (not wedding ring or engagement ring, it's so gonna freak me out!)

- I'm gonna take a good care of my skin (which I have been doing on the skin care but not from inside. eg. sleeping early, lots of mineral water and veggies)

- I want to get rid of my panda eyes!! (which is quite impossible~! but I still want to try to.. at the very least...)

- I want to start swimming regularly!! And since MyLife gym will only start their opening on February, then I only get to start on February too. (No, I'm not a member, just stickin my ass up to one of the member to get the swimming pool access. Even thou I have to pay slightly more expensive, I dont mind. At least, they will have a clean swimming pool)

- I want to settle down (not in terms of getting married, settling down in terms of knowing what to plan for whats next and what to expect.) I have been living carelessly and ignorant recently. I do not pay attention to what's actually going on, till recently that it feels like I do not have a grip on my own life anymore. People decide for me and I let them be. If you ever think that's good, since I don't have to worry or think. let me tell you something, THAT'S SERIOUSLY F*CKED UP!

I can type on and on about what I want to do and what I wish to do for year 2009. But that's just plain annoying because I might probably wont keep the minor list for more than two weeks. So, I only typed out the major ones and the must-be-done ones. HA! Lets see how long I will be able to hold on to the list.


Have a great new year peeps!

Taa~

dark and gloomy

I'm just gonna typed it out loud rather than keeping it to myself.
It feels like I'm gonna explode!
Of all the people around me, I am the only one with the BIGGEST problem with trust.
If he told me that he is going out with his friends, I would just play it cool and says ok.
I am so getting used to say that til it feels like that is how I exactly feel.
I am so getting used to say that til it feels like I really do ok with that and that I am not suspecting anything else.
Some days, things will just go along fine and well. I would be capable of being positive all along and thinking that's its fine and no one is lying to anyone.
But some other days, I would be choked with my own obsessive ways of claiming who/what's mine. Letting no one or anything disturbed or to even touch. And most of the time, I kept it to myself, feeling that its so unnecessary to nag him or anyone about it.

There are just too many things to be done and things to be planned.
It keeps on pushing and pushing me to the limits of (finally) I have to decide what I have to do.. or to be exact, what I actually NEED to do.
I realize jealousy and obsessive thoughts has been controlling my life recently.
Its getting worst and worst each days..
Until the point that I don't know that the things I see and hear is the real things.
A thing that I can actually put my trust on.
I would always put the "I trust.." face on and go behind my own back to suspect on things
I seriously don't want to live like this anymore.
It feels like it's the time to end every thing before it gets worst.

I seriously need to learn how to live by my own and figure out what I want.

For this time,
I refuse and do not wish to go through it all over again.
I will decide what I'm gonna do with every things.
If I will end up alone and pathetic, at least, I made up my own mind to be pathetic and lonely.

Amao's Bday!!

I have not been update for like almost three weeks!! hihi..
so much for saying I am gonna be "diligent" in updating the blog.. :p
oh well, nothing much happened to me in this December-ish xmas-y holiday mode month..
Except.. lots of photos opts and shopping!! which literally, made me broke but still keep on sweeping the platinum card!*sigh*

So, here's the photos from mao's bday!=D





















































they made those flower board for the bday boy!haha!

more to come..
but I've got plenty of works to be done!=(
my stoopid-literally-bimbo assistant quit her job without telling anyone!
what a bitch!!
*#$#%#&^!!

ttyl~